YouTube cuts costs by introducing TEXTp resolution…

“TEXTp is the result of months of intense transcoding efforts by our engineers, who toiled for weeks to ensure that a large chunk of videos on the platform could be reduced to their most basic elements. By replacing the images in the video with a series of letters and numbers, the videos are far less taxing on our system — and have the added benefit of promoting literacy!”

Woot! ushers in a new era of commerce by changing it’s business model to “Woot your own adventure”…

“To find that really awesome deal every day, you have to play your way through a text adventure to successfully reach the big prize. C’mon, real wooters aren’t going to let a few frog-men or barbarians or desperadoes stand between them and that cheap netbook.”

ThinkGeek offers up fake products that we would all totally purchase for real…

“We think the Monolith Action Figures were left by some ancient, extra-galactic, action figure intelligence. We believe, based on our tests (including pH, electromagnetic, and taste) these Monolith Action Figures will eventually cause other action figures to evolve. We’re not sure if that means gaining better accessories and articulation, or becoming sentient. Either one is cool in our book.”

Google officially re-brands itself “Topeka” to return a favor…

“Early last month the mayor of Topeka, Kansas stunned the world by announcing that his city was changing it’s name to Google. We’ve been wondering ever since how best to honor that moving gesture. Today we are pleased to announce that as of 1AM (Central Daylight Time) April 1st, Google has officially changed our name to Topeka.”

And Microsoft announces that the the Call of Duty map pack pricing was a typo, and will in fact revert to it’s rightful price of only $5.

Just kidding about that last one.

You’re wrong. It’s not stupid. It’s totally awesome.

The only things that you could purchase on the internet that would be more awesome than a bonsai tree would be:

1. A Titanium Spork or,
2. Two Bonsai trees.

On December 3rd, wine.woot.com began “Gift Week”. Being in the season of giving, I decided to give myself a gift. A Six Year Old Juniper Bonsai seemed appropriate. I wanted a plant, and Bonsai trees are as cool as they get. (If not as easy to care for… but we’ll see.) Every time I get lucky bamboo it always dies anyway.

Sure, it was a complete impulse buy, but that $29.99 wasn’t going anywhere else. Plus, now I have the novelty of telling everyone “Dude, I bought a Bonsai tree off the internet!”. High Five!

How does one ship a miniature tree? Lots of peanuts!

Plastic and bubble wrap kept my tree wet. I think they watered it before shipping, but I like to think it was just excited to have me unpack it.

The tree resides in a cute little included pot (with holes in the bottom, for proper Bonsai drainage).

Legit soil, I think – not that glued-on rock crap that always kills my bamboo.

It even came with a cute little miniature boulder!

The complete package shipped from BonsaiBoy.com fairly promptly. You can… uh, pretty much get the exact same thing right here any time of the year. It’s just more fun when it’s on Woot!

The tree came with a quaint page of instructions, obviously written by a friendly person fluent in the English language. It covers placement throughout the year, watering, humidity and fertilization.

It’s winter, so she’s dormant, but is looking healthy. We’ll see how long it lasts. Even then, a dead bonsai tree might look cool until it disintegrated into nothingness. Not that I’m getting any ideas… I just don’t know if I’m ready for this type of commitment.

Update: About one month in, she starts sprouting new twills of green like crazy, probably not what’s supposed to happen before Spring.. I just cut them off with a pair of child safety scissors. Still looking good.

Update: Well, she didn’t make it through the second winter. But that’s not to say it was the tree’s fault, I think I just stopped watering it for too long. We had a good run, and now there’s a weed growing in the pot. It’s a venerable lesson in the circle of life, I guess.

Thankfully, the good fellows over at shirt.woot.com are looking out for us.